He's Just Not That Into Them

Have you ever met a guy (no not like that), just casually met a guy, a classmate, friend of a friend, regular old guy...that just wasn’t into sports? You know the guy I’m talking about? He seems completely normal. You met him through your girlfriend’s friend, or he sits two cubicles over from you. He looks, sounds, dresses, and acts like a normal dude. A bro, even. You might even think about hanging out with him, picking up a new friend, and maybe adding him to your fantasy football league.

But then you figure it out. It’s the last “feeler” question in your arsenal. Just after, “So, where are you from?”

“Oh, San Diego? That’s awesome. Great weather I hear. What’s the deal with LT though? He has been streaky at best, don’t you think?”

That’s when you get it. The blank stare like a confused 2nd grader looking intently at the math problem, 3 x 4 = ?. That’s when you realize, this guy doesn’t watch sports! I know it seems impossible, but I’m sure some of you out there have come across this guy and know he’s real. It’s a phenomenon of the straight masculine race I had yet to figure out until I met the guy who sits two cubicles down from me. We’ll call him by an androgynous name: Sam.

Sam is your typical guy. Drinks beer. Jokes around. His tie hangs sluggishly from his collar most days, the remnants of a lackluster attempt at dressing that morning. He flirts with the younger girls in the office, as any good, middle management co-worker should. He’s a great guy to work with. But he doesn’t watch sports.

I found this out about three months after I started working near Sam, which is longer than it normally takes. Our thing was, we were close enough to make small talk, but never worked on the same projects or went out socially where we would be forced to have the aforementioned conversation. Just recently we went out after work for a few cocktails with the parting interns. That’s when I learned of this mind-boggling fact. How is it possible?

Once I got past the initial flabbergasting I became very excited. Sam can be my test dummy, I thought. Finally I’ll be able to crack the mystery that is the heterosexual anti-sports male. I can ask him all the right questions to get to the bottom of this case. Elementary, my dear Watson (or Butros, a buddy of mine whom I know is deeply concerned with this issue). Piece of cake.

Much to my chagrin, the answers were unyielding.

“Not a sports guy?” I say to him.

“Nah, not really.”

“Well then I have a question for you, and it comes in two parts…so really, I have two questions.”

1. What do you talk about with your friends besides girls?
2. What do you watch on TV?

The answers were, music and fighting, and “I don’t watch TV, but if I do, porn or HBO.” Ok, so I guess there are other things on TV besides sports. Hell, LOST is one of my favorite shows of all time, and God knows I love the Discovery Channel. But still, music and fighting? Can that really solidify a male friendship?

Everyone has different, if only slightly, music tastes and talking about/learning new music can be awesome. But at least throw some video gaming in there, or maybe, some extreme sports (I guess that wouldn’t be allowed either, so never mind). I don’t know. I don’t mean to sound ignorant, but there’s got to be something more to a conversation with a friend than music and fighting! I’ve only been in one fight in my whole life and that was in 5th grade, what could we possibly talk about?

Sports, that’s what. So to Sam and all the others of his kind I say this: learn to love them my would-be-friends. Sports account for roughly 87% of all male-to-male conversation (statistic yet to be confirmed) and are the glue that binds us to one another in a completely non-suggestive manner. Let them into your life and you will find yourself on the road to…well you might find yourself at very least with a few more friends. Just a thought.

Bring Back Dem Bums

As an avid New York Mets fan, life this year has been downright rough. The anticipation of an epic year, a year when it would finally be our turn, a year following two years of heartbreak at the hands of the Phillies and Marlins, has turned into one of the biggest debacles of all time. In my 23 years as a Mets fan, I've never seen a low like this. 9 starters on the dl, including names like Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran and Johan Santana. There's no coming back from a hit like that. The season is over, and we all know it.

Last night, however, the Mets took the field at LandShark and, for the first time I saw a team eager to play. The thing is, it obviously wasn't the normal Met squad. Aside from the newly acquired Jeff Francoeur, I knew maybe one or two players out there. And yet, they beat up on the Marlins 10-3! It was a classic underdog story; a couple of kids, happy to play the game on the center stage, overcame experience with sheer excitement.

So I ask, what happened to the glory days of New York baseball- when teams had proverbial heart? Last night I saw a Mets team that looked like a real New York team, an image I think they've lost over the years. They were a rag-tag group, rough around the edges, wet behind the ears, but ready to scruff when the time came. The Met's are New York's blue collar team, and they need to embrace that identity. It's one with a storied history of success in this city. From the Bums in Brooklyn to Mays in Manhattan, the New York National League teams have always been a group of "good ol' boys."

So why the change? New Yorkers like a team with grit- a team that finds ways to win beyond the conventional American League method of writing a check. Last night was a testament to this fact: in sports, success can't always be bought. The total dollar amount on the disabled list comes to $67,675,000.00 (metstoday.com)...That's more than $67 million dollars of high-profile talent doing nothing to help the team win. It seems the roots are stronger than the flower, so let's stick to them.

Welcome

Hi everyone, and welcome. I've started this blog as a means to keep doing what I love to do amidst the toils of day-to-day life in corporate America. I see this as an outlet for any and all who share similar interests in writing, sports and any other leisure activities they wish were more prevalent in their adult lives. As the title suggests, this is all about moving forward and keeping the spirit of Romanticism alive- despite the efforts of modern realists. That said, get ready to escape, give in to your infantile inhibitions, and let's move on to the good life...