Have you ever met a guy (no not like that), just casually met a guy, a classmate, friend of a friend, regular old guy...that just wasn’t into sports? You know the guy I’m talking about? He seems completely normal. You met him through your girlfriend’s friend, or he sits two cubicles over from you. He looks, sounds, dresses, and acts like a normal dude. A bro, even. You might even think about hanging out with him, picking up a new friend, and maybe adding him to your fantasy football league.But then you figure it out. It’s the last “feeler” question in your arsenal. Just after, “So, where are you from?”
“Oh, San Diego? That’s awesome. Great weather I hear. What’s the deal with LT though? He has been streaky at best, don’t you think?”
That’s when you get it. The blank stare like a confused 2nd grader looking intently at the math problem, 3 x 4 = ?. That’s when you realize, this guy doesn’t watch sports! I know it seems impossible, but I’m sure some of you out there have come across this guy and know he’s real. It’s a phenomenon of the straight masculine race I had yet to figure out until I met the guy who sits two cubicles down from me. We’ll call him by an androgynous name: Sam.
Sam is your typical guy. Drinks beer. Jokes around. His tie hangs sluggishly from his collar most days, the remnants of a lackluster attempt at dressing that morning. He flirts with the younger girls in the office, as any good, middle management co-worker should. He’s a great guy to work with. But he doesn’t watch sports.
I found this out about three months after I started working near Sam, which is longer than it normally takes. Our thing was, we were close enough to make small talk, but never worked on the same projects or went out socially where we would be forced to have the aforementioned conversation. Just recently we went out after work for a few cocktails with the parting interns. That’s when I learned of this mind-boggling fact. How is it possible?
Once I got past the initial flabbergasting I became very excited. Sam can be my test dummy, I thought. Finally I’ll be able to crack the mystery that is the heterosexual anti-sports male. I can ask him all the right questions to get to the bottom of this case. Elementary, my dear Watson (or Butros, a buddy of mine whom I know is deeply concerned with this issue). Piece of cake.
Much to my chagrin, the answers were unyielding.
“Not a sports guy?” I say to him.
“Nah, not really.”
“Well then I have a question for you, and it comes in two parts…so really, I have two questions.”
1. What do you talk about with your friends besides girls?
2. What do you watch on TV?
The answers were, music and fighting, and “I don’t watch TV, but if I do, porn or HBO.” Ok, so I guess there are other things on TV besides sports. Hell, LOST is one of my favorite shows of all time, and God knows I love the Discovery Channel. But still, music and fighting? Can that really solidify a male friendship?
Everyone has different, if only slightly, music tastes and talking about/learning new music can be awesome. But at least throw some video gaming in there, or maybe, some extreme sports (I guess that wouldn’t be allowed either, so never mind). I don’t know. I don’t mean to sound ignorant, but there’s got to be something more to a conversation with a friend than music and fighting! I’ve only been in one fight in my whole life and that was in 5th grade, what could we possibly talk about?
Sports, that’s what. So to Sam and all the others of his kind I say this: learn to love them my would-be-friends. Sports account for roughly 87% of all male-to-male conversation (statistic yet to be confirmed) and are the glue that binds us to one another in a completely non-suggestive manner. Let them into your life and you will find yourself on the road to…well you might find yourself at very least with a few more friends. Just a thought.
lol its funny cuz a similar thing happened at my office. i would blaze (tobacco of course) with this guy sometimes, but then besides that, if it came to making conversation, it was like "ok now what."
ReplyDeleteconversely, i never expect girls to like sports. that's definitely not one of the things i bring up with them right away. but at some point later on i'll always ask if she happens to like them, cuz wouldn't it just be that much more awesome if she liked sports too. i know some people dont want their girlfriends to like sports cuz they want to keep that separate. but i figure, as long as she doesn't look like an nhl player, it's cool if she likes watching it.