Your Road to Blackout, Documented

Some people like to drink. Some people like to write. I happen to fall into the middle portion of that Venn diagram, as I’m sure some of you do too. For multi-taskers like us, the revolutionary 33 Bottles of Beer journal has arrived.

For just $12 you can put your two most coveted and practiced skills to use simultaneously, or in whatever order you want, I suppose. Here’s how it works: buy journal, buy beer, drink beer, open journal, open pen, proceed to capture the essence of said beer whilst still in that foggy, euphoric state where everything just seems to make sense. So simple, yet wildly entertaining. Perfect on a rainy day, like today...

And when you’re done with page one, turn to page two where you can begin all over again- a long and arduous journey, I know, but someone has to do it.

For the slight chance your vocabulary possibly begins to inexplicably diminish as your entries pile up, the good people selling 33 Bottles of Beer journals have stocked your book with a flavor wheel to provide some commonly used terms to describe exactly what you'll be tasting. (“Toffee,” “Sulphury,” and “Floral” seem to pin-point the tangy, sweaty pang of Natty Light in a keg, don’t you think?)

And just in case you’re really ambitious (or in college) these manliest of diaries come in packs of 3 (so you can finally get to 99 bottles of beer on the wall, for all you non-math majors).

Or you could just drink the beer and use the twelve bucks to buy another 6-pack. Up to you.

A Farewell to Arms

Well, faithful readers, it's been a long time. You may have thought you lost me. Or maybe you were relieved to know your inbox would be a little bit lighter this winter. For those of you who've been angry at the lack of posts, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry I'm not sorry. I've been busy, what do you want from me? It's like like you pay me to do this! For those of you happy your inbox wasn't plagued by SOMETHING EVERMORE, I'm not sorry at all.

Here it is. My grand return. And the theme- A Farewell to Arms- says it all. I'm putting my guns away. No more bashing "the man" or complaining about the uncomfortable, unnatural process that is becoming a contributing adult member of society. This blog is now dedicated to finding whatever it is you're looking for in life.

Here are some places I think might be a good place to start looking...

the American West

They say you can't know where you're going until you know where you've been. Making a new life in a new place is no different. You can't be an American in [insert your destination here] when you haven't seen America! That would just be un-American. So your first stop- the Gold Coast. I'm thinking this one is about getting the full experience though. No direct flights to LAX with a cab to Santa Monica. Get in the car, get on the road and see if you can make it through the Rockies to the coast. That's the only real way to get to where you're going. San Francisco. This town is littered with bars and young people. It's not too far off from what you're used to, so it can act as a good transitional place. Spend a year or two.

Next up: South America

Costa Rica to be exact. After a year in San Fran, it's time to get closer to the equator and out onto the beach. Here's what I'm thinking...

The fact that your dollar goes a much longer way here than in say, Europe, doesn't hurt either. For about 50 bucks a day you can live like a king in this paradise. It beats a packed 4 train on a snowy winter's evening, don't you think?





Final destination: The Caribbean.

Now if all goes to plan, you survive the trek to Cali, you survive (or find the energy/desire) to leave South America, the logical final resting place has got to be the Caribbean. The melting pot of the New World, this small tropical sea has been the hot-spot for wealth seekers and hedonists for centuries. And while we're at it, let's get really far out there...Barbados. It's a tropical Eden at the western most outskirt of the Caribbean sea. A place where no one will find you. Set up a little rum punch bar on the beach, live on your boat, wakeboard by day and drink yourself tired. It's the ultimate early retirement.

Good luck wanderers.